im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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