So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
