I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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