I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize