I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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