a queef is a wish your heart makes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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