Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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