apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
