Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dignity is for republicans.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
