the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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