Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
