Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
