just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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