the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
