nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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