adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
