I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
