Quick, to the slutcave!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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