i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In America we eat man semen.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
