I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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