umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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