i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
