2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
