I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
