just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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