I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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