I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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