my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
is it fun? or sober?
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