Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
