he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
