How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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