No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
