I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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