he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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