my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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