I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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