If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
