So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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