Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
