Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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