i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
