All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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