fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
