I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
