Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
