the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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