you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
