i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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