Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
