12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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