It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize