I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
