And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
