I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
