Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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