if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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