That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
