alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so let's talk penis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
