Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
