There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
