Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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