yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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