I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
