if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
