i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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