I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
